I like that you chose a high shutter speed with strobe- you know that a 1/250 to 1/500 creates a blacker background( which you needed here) as opposed to slower 1/60 th- Nikons do give you this higher setting not many others do.
During the stand in model phase using a blonde, knowing the principle models color. On the hairlight or accent light try a color Gell - yellow or amber for hair and her yellow top ,as backlighting to help separate her from the black areas. Even a green gell mentioned because I see that in the product it's self. Remember to meter those accent lights with the same f11 or f8.
Now a short lens adds to a wider feature in subjects face and arms than an 85mm f1.8 (digi = 135) tele made for portraiture.
Maybe also I would 've advised model to wear longer sleeves. I like not having so much skin showing, prefering to Highlight the viewers attention to just the face. You are right about cloning out that extended finger!
One final thing to try is some shots using a Nikon Soft #1 filter. Nikon's brand of soft filter is the only one that mixes silver flakes in the glass. I use it on most female models over the age of 16.
This could also enhance a sparkle in the Flat lighted Altec front face. Try it anyway what's to loose.
My fav softar filters are those made for my Hasselblad.
However you done good and don't need me second quessing.